A Problem

Bowling was actually really fun. Vanessa and Jim were delightfully silly together, and I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. In fact, after the first few minutes I was completely at ease around Vanessa considering the parts of her I had seen and the intimate details she had written regarding her infatuation for me.

We flirted a bit, but I couldn't believe this was the same person. It was as if she hadn't written any of it.

As we were about to leave I caught Jim on the way to the restroom and asked what he meant when he said his "lips were sealed." He walked me over to a table and wrote the address to Vanessa's blog on a napkin. Then, he followed that up with three more addresses.

"In case you haven't figured it out, you have a problem."
"What do you mean?"
"Seriously, you must have seen at least one of these."
"Well, yes, I have seen Vanessa's...I think...the nirvana one?"
"And none of the others? Oh, man. Alright, I know you're unavailable, so none of this matters, but you are perhaps the luckiest straight man on campus. Here's the deal..."

We walked over and sat at a high top while Vanessa chatted with some friends on the other side of the place.

See this last address...she was the first, "Immortal Beloved." She, for whatever reason, decided to identify you as the supreme object of her erotic desire. She posted anonymously and only identified herself as a girl secretly in love with you. Every day she played off your poetry as if it were directed to her exclusively. You were a tortured soul resisting all her advances. There is some really steamy stuff in there, all directed to the undisclosed "M". Her writing was so hot, in fact, that her blog got the attention from others on campus, particularly girls. Suddenly, Immortal Beloved, this mysterious infatuated girl, and her stories, became an irresistible drama unfolding, it started getting tons of hits. I noticed it because I work on the school's network. There was a lot of traffic to this site, almost exclusively from the female floors.

So, I checked out Immortal Beloved's blog and ran a text comparison tool on all the other local blogs. And, that's how I discovered you were her subject. You'll have to forgive my curiosity, but I noticed you were completely oblivious and spending way too much time in the library by the way. Anyway, Vanessa found out about Immortal Beloved and noticed she was referring to you (since she had been checking your blog anyway). She started up an anonymous blog to share her feelings on the subject (which I'm not supposed to know about, so shhh!). But, I have reason to suspect that at least two additional girls on campus are joining in this fantasy competition for your affection. It's really messed up. I know Vanessa has liked you since she assaulted you that once, so, she considers herself the first. That's probably why she wore that nirvana shirt. If you break, she wants it to be with her, so keep your guard up. I have a feeling the others are too sheepish to be so forward. Alright, time for the little boys room."

"Wait. Who else knows about this?"

"Vanessa hasn't mentioned this to me at all and she tells me everything. Guys, well, straight guys usually don't read this kind of shit. I get the impression the small number of girls who actually decode your identity are keeping it to themselves. Alright, bladder eruption imminent..."

I took the napkin and put it in my pocket as Vanessa and her friends approached. I declined their offer to go to her room and watch a movie with all of them. They sighed with a little more disappointment than I was comfortable with. I figured it was probably my imagination. I thanked them for bowling and excused myself.

I considered other possible hints I had missed around campus. I wondered how many other women had tried to subtly point me in the direction of their blog. I couldn't help but wonder...was every girl on campus desperately trying to invite me into her deepest, darkest fantasies? Was I missing every clue?

Absolutely not, I told myself.

"I am being messed with," I thought. I repeated that in my head a few times...

Jim came back from the bathroom and before I knew it he had paid for all of our games and the tab. He insisted, and I didn't have a problem with it. I was just scraping by, barely able to afford food. Jim turned out to be a pretty nice guy.