Courage

The next day was the day I accepted the truth...my life was indeed entirely in service to others. But life itself was the collection of my own most fantastic dreams, hopes, and desires...not because I wanted them to be, but because my nature insisted this was so. My most extreme love was necessarily the very definition of my life. Learning was this love, but learning included the resolution of life's most profound mysteries. At that time, the mystery was women.

But it was more than that...these women's lives were the embodiment of their own profound dreams, hopes, and desires. The laws of nature themselves would not permit an alternative. In accepting this, they could do nothing but follow the inescapable demands of their own hearts and minds. Doing such was the definition of living. If living itself happened to be the attainment of my love, it was my duty to accept the responsibility and implications. If this happened to be my own fantasy, it was failure of life itself to neglect it. I needed to approach this in the truest sense using the limits of my desire and imagination. Not to indulge, but because love can accept nothing less.

But such great responsibility. If my life was in service to others, it required the deepest understanding of my own life. Such understanding, and nothing less, would permit these women to achieve their own fullest life. Learning about my own nature was not a selfish indulgence, it was a desperate requirement and solemn obligation to others. For only through such knowledge could either attain the happiness they so desperately sought.

Releasing myself from my own desires in service of others was the same as completely accepting them and being accountable for them. Our only hope in life is accepting ourselves, and by doing so we accept others. I was learning to accept myself.

It required much courage.

Such things cannot be told to one another. They can only be learned. Such things are pure. They derive from within. They cannot be eliminated. They are true. Without truth we have nothing. I was approaching truth. It was a terrifying necessity...