Appeal

Days past. I did not leave my dorm room. Nothing seemed to dull the pain as I sat for hours on my futon in front of a black television screen. My roommate considered me a downer and left me in peace. I looked at my computer monitor. I observed its simple shape and wondered how such a device could be used to destroy a man.

I knew Vanessa had written, or perhaps one of her ghostwriter's had. I did not dare tempt the inevitable, but as the hours wore on I realized I had nothing to lose. As much as I had believed that before, it had never been more true.

There was one post...

Magnus, my love, why do you leave me to die in your arms? Know that I can never be your burden, yet I cannot help wasting away without your words...they are my blood, which pools to the floor beneath my bare feet. In your absence my body becomes emaciated, by breath shallow. I do not know what drives you from me, but I see death approaching in my dreams. Magnus, I confess that I am scared, but I only admit such things because they are true. Isn't that what you want, Magnus? Don't you want the truth? Oh, I beg you not to concern yourself with my silliness. I know it does nothing but drive you away. You did not respond to my threats, demanding your response. You blog has been terrifying...empty. And, thus, I held to my promises. I am not ashamed that I ran around the track until I blacked out. I am not ashamed that I walked through the cafeteria naked. No, I am proud. Yes, I am proud that I screamed your name as I brought my naked, bawling self to a violent orgasm upon the crowded table as the police dragged me away. Oh, that is just my imagination, but I wanted to do it. I could do it if you demanded. It is the scourge of your silence that drives me from myself. I can offer nothing but my infinite love, and do so even as I fast, my tears splashing on my keyboard. Please, please accept it or I fear certian death if it has not arrived already. Only love could drive a woman to such things, Magnus. Why do you resist? Why do you accept your shackles, as I find myself too restrained? I can only believe that this is your will, and, it is therefore mine.

Nothing of Jim, the book, the other writers. She did not explain or rationalize at all. I hung my head. I wanted to believe, but there was every reason not to. Every reasonable cell in my body insisted to ignore these words. I considered the possibility Jim had written them and felt nausious...as if his fiction could drive me to restart his money machine. Yet, the Vanessa I love would not shrink to explainations. I knew it, but so did Jim. I shut down and slept. I would not partake in Jim's schemes any longer.