She was dressed in a red turtleneck up to her chin and had her hair pulled back into a pony tail. She wore distinctive white and red thick-rimmed glasses, and her lush lips blended in well with her attire. She was attractive, but in a stoic, academic way. It was an interesting look so simultaneously geeky and sexy. I put my guard on right away. I briefly wondered if she was Immortal or one of the other girls, but I decided I would keep my mouth shut and get on with the lesson. She had a very serious expression and thanked me for coming.
I sat across from her and asked what she wanted to talk about. She brought up some topics and then proceeded to ask some very good questions; some I couldn't answer at all. After a few minutes it became obvious she really should have been tutoring me. As I explained something she probably already knew, she got up and walked over to the coat rack. She pulled out some lip gloss and slowly applied it, looking down at me babbling some technical lingo. I noticed she positioned her jacket in a way that covered the only window between the study room and the hallway. She sat back in her chair across from me and began flipping through her book. "I've been trying to make sense of this chart, can you tell me what this means?"
I tried to explain from across the table, but somehow ended up moving to her side to clarify. I had this feeling she wasn't really paying attention. She seemed to be watching me more than the book despite my pointing. I couldn't help but start to get a little nervous. Had she been watching my blog like the other girls? Was she one of the women describing in excruciating detail the prolonged bouts of self-gratification in my honor? Even if she wasn't, the way she was looking at me gave that impression. I was getting uncomfortable but kept as natural and on-task as possible.
I decided I was probably over-paranoid given the shocking experience only a couple hours earlier. I know this probably sounds unperceptive in hindsight, but I was really accustomed to being basically invisible to women. Being assaulted earlier I figured I was probably just interpreting things that weren't there. I struggled through the whole session without so much as an innuendo. Just when I thought it was over...
"So, have you thought about any creative ideas for our movie yet?"
Oh, right, the scene...the overly flirtatious side of here made another appearance...
"Sorry, I haven't given it much thought."
"Because Monica, Chrissy, Jen and I think you would be a perfect photographer. You probably think we were just kidding, didn't you."
She put her elbow on the table and rested her chin against the back of her wrist, giving me a coy look.
I couldn't tell if she was joking. I laughed anyway, but she just looked at me with a sort of bright, inquisitive smile.
"I appreciate the offer, but my girlfriend probably wouldn't approve."
"Oh, Magnus, we know you don't have a girlfriend. We know your story. Sorry if we scared you away last night. We were just being silly. Couldn't resist. Actually, you are exactly what we need. You see, it's really not a sex theme at all. It's really just a project Jen is working on for her photography class. It's a study of the female body. We think the female figure is a beautiful thing unfairly objectified by society. We see it on TV, movies, everywhere. Young girls are taught they need to live up to impossible standards, and we think this contributes self-esteem issues in adolescent girls and young women. Women who are perfectly healthy think they are somehow inferior and we would like to help abolish that myth."
I had thought about that a lot, actually, even written about it. It's just one of the many social influences marginalizing self-worth, and something that has my complete support.
"Well, I guess I do agree with that. But, it seems like you wouldn't have trouble finding volunteers. I wouldn't want to steal that opportunity away from some lucky guy..."
"She needs a man, but a gentleman, a heterosexual, and someone non-threatening. After meeting you last night and hearing about your commitment, she said I should ask if you're up for it. She thinks you would be perfect..."
I pondered the idea for a moment, still not entirely sure if she was serious. She affirmed that she was serious.
Photographing multiple nude female college classmates just seemed over the top - like a cruel joke. This was the precise thing I needed to avoid completely. I had spent years of effort keeping such temptations at a distance. Stacy knew this from my many posts on the subject.
Then, to my surprise, I thought about my decision to resist Maria's attempted seduction, and how rewarding it felt. I was still recovering from a sort of euphoria - I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's how I felt. This would be an opportunity to challenge myself. I had this strange desire to be placed in the crucible again so I could conquer it. It sounds twisted, but I had this voice telling me to do it - to prove to myself that I am not a slave to my desires...that I can conquer any temptation with grace, certainly an innocent art project such as this...
Stacy must have seen my thoughts. She took out a pen and wrote
room 107, Farley Hall, 7:00. Don't be late :)She stood and picked up her books...
"All the girls meet tonight. You're welcome to come if you want."
She walked to the door. I couldn't help but admire her delicate shoulders and balanced figure - not the least bit overweight, yet voluptuous and stately. Her posture demanded respect, and she held her head high in her turtleneck. She picked up her coat, put it on, and walked half way out and turned back.
"No pressure at all, but Jen would really appreciate it. Oh, and as one of her models, I would too."
She smiled, turned, and disappeared before I could say anything.
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