Persistence

What I have described so far is nothing extraordinary. It is a story that has been told so often, over and over again, in one way or another. I was trying to overcome man's greatest adversary, himself, and I was failing miserably.

When I decided I had overcome my desire for women, I was rather proud of myself. That was the moment I become, once again, vulnerable, this time to pride. It is like a water balloon...you squeeze one side, and the other grows larger. Yes, those who have the means to drive our minds wild will stop at nothing to use us to craft their world, and they will not desist. Since the beginning of time, life itself is their reward, and so is death.

A man's effort to deny women is essentially flawed. By resisting one he gains another. By resisting both he gains a third. When man's earthly experience consists of nothing less than all women using their combined strength to tempt him, he falls. He falls, but he is outside of himself because he understands the weight of his choices. He recognizes that life itself has always depended on his failure as well as his success. He is a miserable creature in some sense, great only by his ability to understand and manage the nature of this struggle.

It was my choice to tempt them by simply being alive. It was my choice to reveal my existence, and by doing so I became flawed. They attack every corner of reason and desire to get what they want, and now I will begin to reveal how they succeeded.

After it was plainly obvious a large group of attractive women had decided to join forces to break my chastity I began to feel powerful and confident. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but I began to feel comfortable knowing I had easy access to sex whenever I wanted. It was a privileged I acknowledged with a certain horror. Still, I no longer looked at the ground when they flirted with their eyes, but smiled at them. I began to become one with this new person and I began to believe there was no reason to fear them. I was permanent foreplay for them and I was comfortable with that so long as they knew I wouldn't go further.

They wanted to go further.

One day I checked my mailbox and found a flower along with a thick manila envelope with the words "Goner" written on the side. It had been kissed with the lips of nine and each imprint was a slightly different in color and shape. "They flirt in vain" I thought with a cocky confidence. I put it in my bag and blew it off.

That evening, when I returned from the library, I pulled the envelope out of my bag and opened it. Inside was what looked like medical documents, and each set of pages was stapled with a photo from the shoot. The top one was Lori's, a particular beauty who I remembered vividly, and I couldn't help admiring my photographic skills. I hadn't seen her since the shoot, so I was a bit surprised.

I flipped through and next was Jen's, who's lovely breasts formed a canyon I secretly wished I could dive in to. Chrissy's curly hair danced over her bare shoulders. Ann looked up at me with her devilish, mysterious gaze. Monica's ass and red fingernails were delightful and erotic. Stacy's cute chin and nose were lovely over her trim, muscular body. Ann, Maria, and Monica stood like Greek goddesses of desire tempting me. Finally, at the back, was Vanessa, breathing heat into my veins and throughout my body. Her eyes sparkled with clarity and a bright, divine lust. They were not judgmental or mischievous, but true and unassuming. Adorned with slender, elegant eyebrows they invited me in and I couldn't help but remember how much I wanted her. I caught myself and quickly pretended I didn't.

Attached to each photo were medical records including a synopsis of each girl's complete physical history. I learned that Ann had an appendix removed and Chrissy had recently recovered from pneumonia. Each had some unique characteristic. Then I realized what they all had in common. Each was currently on birth control and none had contracted any venereal diseases. They were simply telling me I had nothing to worry about...that they were clean and not going to get pregnant.

Perhaps they still couldn't believe that I was actually chaste. Perhaps they still believed it was only fear of knocking one of them up or catching a VD that I resisted them. I noticed that only a couple months earlier they all had the implant installed...and each within a few days of the other. I couldn't be sure, but I considered the possibility they had been planning this for months, and decided to all go on birth control just for me.

At this point I really didn't know what to think, but placed the papers back into the envelope and went to bed. I realized that I had thought about the risks of giving in to temptation, and the possibility of catching a disease happened to be one thing helping me maintain my commitment. The possibility of pregnancy was also a reason to resist them completely.

I wondered, having these worries removed, was I still strong enough to resist them?